It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
