I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
