Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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