I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
