butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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