I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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