he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
