Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
