It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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