If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
