i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
