Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
