we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
