Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
