allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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