Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
