that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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