I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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