In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
