I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
