Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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