mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
