Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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