Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
