When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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