My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Randomize
