im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
