u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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