Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
