My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
