think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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