Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
