she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
