Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize