Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
