Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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