I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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