I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
