A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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