I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
