Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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