Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
