you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
