glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
