did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
