Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
