thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
