apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
