Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
