Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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