My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
