I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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