that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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