i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Can i not drive my cunt home
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
