Just fell off a train. Bad.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
