i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
