After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
