so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MIDGETS
????
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
