Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
