I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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