Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
