is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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