the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
