I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
