Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
