i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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