I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
