Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
